So you want to know a little more about me?
Well, It all started when I was around eight. I was walking home from school one day. You see, I was a latchkey kid, and was destined for greatness or as my wife calls it…trouble. So there I was walking all nerdy like, minding my own. Then suddenly bam! I was knocked down by this old dude with a crazed look in his eyes. As he helped me up he handed me something and told me to hold onto it. One day it would bring me greatness and that it would… it would… well I just can’t remember what he was rambling on about but he was talking for a few minutes. I do recall him shouting back at me, as he ran down some dark alley, that I should learn kung fu.
Just a few minutes later a couple of thugs ran past me in the same direction as that old man. I thought to myself. That sure is a popular alleyway, or maybe, that old dude was in trouble and those thugs were chasing him? I’m sure it was just a coincidence though. I’ve been told I have an overactive imagination. I rushed home to examine this item of greatness in the privacy of my own room. You know because people were always in other people’s business back then. This was pre-internet. Just wait a minute, I know what you are thinking… Pre-internet? That’s impossible! As I said ITEM OF GREATNESS!
So there I was, the door was locked. pb&j made. Afternoon cartoons on. What? I needed the background noise. I was home alone, a nerd and scared. Come on! There I was about to unwrap this item of greatness. I place it down in front of me and begin to inspect the fabric shrouding it. As I lift the first fold my heart quickens. I lift the second fold, I start to shake a little. This could change my life forever or so I was told. I reach down to lift that final scrap of fabric off and suddenly my brother barges in my room asking me if I had eaten. Not gonna lie… I damn near peed my pants. I screamed at him to knock next time. He took a bite of my sandwich and sputtered out that he was going to hang out with his friend next door and scream if I needed anything. I hurried him out the door and actually locked the door this time.
Back to it. I wasn’t going to hesitate any longer. I grabbed the cloth and just tossed it to the side and what fell to the ground was no item of greatness. Hell, it wasn’t even a full item. It was nothing more than a worn down crayon. Or so I thought…
As I plucked it from shag carpeting I felt a quiver of energy flow through me. The hairs on my neck stood on end. Candles began flickering and the curtains danced about wildly. Suddenly the entire room sprang to life in a whirlwind of energy and chaos. It was. It was… nothing like that. Yeah, remember that part where I mentioned having an overactive imagination? I just thought you were bored already and thought I should add some flourish. Come on. Candles. Curtains. Alone. That ain’t even remotely safe. There I was holding this half used, half chewed, ew gross, crayon. Thinking to myself about how to disinfect this thing, as well as everything else in sight.
Moments later, I found myself searching for paper. The normal lined paper I had just wouldn’t cut it. I needed pristine drawing paper. There was only one place I knew where to find it. This journey would be treacherous and fraught with danger at every turn and would turn out to be one those profound moments in my life. I had to heist my brother’s sketchbook! I had to be stealthy, crafty and most importantly of all devious. I spent the following few hours crafting a perfect replica of his prized sketchbook. With one minor variance, the replica was filled with newspapers.
It was time to make the exchange!